Lyrics: Rap #3

Another day, another rap.

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I’m the God of War like Ares, can’t approximate me with a Taylor Saries cuz I can’t be derived, make so much green I’m a bowl of chives, wit so sharp it’s like diamond knives, got so many plaques I got gingivitis, at the top like the Pope but not so pious

You’re a waste of style and oxygen, my waste is fertile like an ox, I gen’erate an oxidized state cuz I’m straight fire, not content with a quiet ascent, I’ll invent and augment this rap and when it gets sent world joy gets saved by fifteen percent like a Geico ad, and I'm so badass call me prostate cancer, I'm a blank Scantron cuz I need no answers.

I got no doubts about my self-worth, I’m the tallest mountain, I’ve been countin’ since birth, I’m an endless fountain of mirth with a number of fans equal to the population of earth

My rhymes never tarnish, they’re varnished like a lacquer, I’m what Rodgers is to the Packers, I’ll delete you like a common factor, give a mean performance like a hostile actor, the cost’ll factor in your fiscal year, I’m being crystal clear, I’m on a different tier, my lips appear to be an agent o’ God, a more ruthless Ahmadinejad, but the people love me, and it’s hard to blame ‘em when my face is so lovely.

You’re out back with a couple of beers, I’m workin’ so hard my blood sweat and tears could sate a sadist for a thousand years

My ragin’ brays assuage caged-in creatures, like a male Snow White with more Asian features, you're an old headline cuz you're an agin’ feature, I’m an amazin’ teacher, attract every soul from the field to the bleachers with my outsized boasts, I capsized boats when I was’ baptized in the revenue stream, I’m tellin’ you please, if you block my way pray I stay away cuz, hey I’m cray, I slay all day, I’ll spay a neighbor’s fav’rite mangy stray to make ‘em pay for a rayless day of grey, and they may say it was a strange behavior, but I’m Wei the Savior, holy like Saint Xavier, and I’m ‘ growing so exponentially, my sole superior is the future me.

He found only silence

His mouth contorted, searching for something to say, something meaningful to add. He found only silence

He yearned for it, anything even remotely interesting to share. He looked for it in every sliver and crevasse of his consciousness. His fervor oozed through every pore upon his skin; his desperation refracted through every bead of sweat upon his brow. He begged his mind to think of anything of value he could contribute -- anything at all.

He plunged into the depths of his creativity, and he found nothing there.

On Immigration

On July 23, 2018, I became a United States citizen. This occasion has caused me to ponder the issues of citizenship and immigration in greater detail.

In the wake of my new citizenship, someone asked me, "Now that you've gone through the whole process, how do you feel about people coming over here illegally?" I responded noncommittally due to timing issues, but my real answer is this: Illegal immigrants are some of the people who've suffered most, who are most desperate, most hardworking -- and for these reasons, they are some of the people who most deserve our compassion.

On a fundamental philosophical level, I reject the concept of nations entirely. The specific sovereign governments and borders on Earth today have little concern for human well-being; they are historical artifacts based on arbitrary geographical features, backwards violence, or pure happenstance. The more we discover about the nature of reality, the more the morally and socially questionable borders become.

Astronomy, for instance, has shown us our insignificance in the universe. There is a deep existential futility in trying to delineate the exact boundary between between two specks of land on a hardly larger speck of dust, floating through a cold and endless cosmos. Meanwhile, biology has revealed our deep genetic ties to one another. We are, in a very real sense, all members of one big evolutionary family; be we from Uganda or Peru, our common heritage is encoded in every cell of our body. And with the advent of commercial air travel and the Internet, all the places on this once-vast globe are suddenly much closer together.

These scientific advancements allow us to transcend our ugly tribal history. The perspective they provide is clear: We are all citizens of a global community, we are far more alike than we are different, and we are far better working together than apart. With our knowledge, it is no longer justifiable for us to cling to the in-group/out-group mentality of our evolutionary past. Consequently, my most moral scenario is one in which "immigration" as a concept becomes obsolete because we all consider ourselves members of the single, united nation of Earth.

Though this philosophical position may not be feasible right now, it's still important. It is the lens through which I view topics pertaining to immigration. I support most steps that can peacefully move us toward a more cooperative, cosmopolitan, global society, and away from borders, tribalism, and nationalism. Immigration is not easy; this is something I know firsthand. I want to live in a world where it is.

Love is not an endless ocean

Love is not an endless ocean
Love is not mere blind devotion

Love is not the tallest mountain
Love is not the Timeless Fountain

Love is not some stalwart castle
Love is not so young, so facile

Love is not a boundless chasm
Love is not pure enthusiasm

Love is not a life's commitment
Love is near and love is distant

Love is ever shifting, moving
breaking, forming, and improving

Love can quake and love and bend
Love can fail and love can end

None of these are love's damnation.
Love's great strength is not duration.

Love does not keep things in cages.
Love's beauty lies in how it changes.

I'm Lost

I'm lost, I said one fateful day, and wondered where I was.
So I went to go and search for me -- mostly just because.

I found myself on mountain vistas, past frigid, icy streams;
I found myself in English classrooms, amidst poetic themes.
I found myself in cheerful places, laughing to my core;
I found myself in grieving places, silent as the morgue.
I found myself in romantic places, dancing, getting kissed;
I found myself in craven places, filled with cowardice.

I'm lost, I told myself, desperate to be found;
Will I find my soul in Heaven? Or deep beneath the ground?

I found myself in tranquil moments, in the quiet of my mind;
I found myself in awkward moments, when the quiet was not so kind.
I found myself in triumphant moments, victorious, adored;
I found myself in lifeless moments, doing nothing, getting bored.
I found myself in wondrous moments, amazed at beauty's grace;
I found myself in filthy moments, in perversion's cold embrace.

Will I ever find myself? I pondered hopelessly.
I was there in all those moments, but was it truly me?

I found myself with kindness, performing selfless acts;
I found myself with treach'ry, breaking sacred pacts.
I found myself with patience, never wearing thin;
I found myself with turmoil, a raging storm within.
I found myself with passion, glowing in my eyes;
I found myself with shame, which I've managed to disguise.

And then I knew the answer, succeeded in my quest;
I found myself at last, at last! -- and I laid the matter to rest.
Where am I really? I asked myself, searching everywhere;
And found myself in all those places -- for I was always there.

I was never lost at all, you see. The hunt was all a sham.
Where I look, I find me. And that is where I am.

Becoming happier, Part 2

Part 1

Rewiring #4: Random act of kindness

Research shows that being kind to other people is one of the things that makes us happiest, and that result fills me with joy. We are lucky to live in a universe where making other people happy is to our own benefit.

The non-zero-sum nature of well-being is why the concept of karma makes sense, broadly speaking. Suffering creatures are more likely to make other creatures suffer; happy creatures are more likely to make other creatures happy. Consequently, the more suffering you generate, the more likely you are to suffer; the more happiness you generate, the more happy you become.

I, along with ~10 other students, teamed up to give one of our favorite professors an end-of-semester gift. The gift referenced an idiosyncratic turn of phrase he often used in class, which was fun, but what was even more fun was the heartfelt note I wrote to go with it. The note included a collection of his best in-class quotations and some words of thanks, and even though it was painfully slow to pen the entire thing in cursive, I still had an marvelous time writing it.

I started volunteer at CU's Restorative Justice center. Restorative justice is different from our national model of retributive justice in many respects: while the latter is solely concerned with punishing the offender, a restorative system focuses on the victim of an incident, and repairing the harms done thereto. Victim satisfaction should be one of the main goals of any justice system, and it's a big reason why I support restorative justice. It feels good to volunteer my time toward something I believe in. A couple offenders I've worked with have even thanked me personally for my involvement, and their comments remain deeply gratifying.

After listening to this podcast, I donate monthly to the Against Malaria Foundation. The facts of malaria are astonishing. Malaria is one of the top killers of humanity, with one estimate saying it has killed half the people who have ever lived, most of whom are children. The worst part of this statistic is that malaria is preventable, treatable, and curable. According to this Unicef article, our best treatment is artemisinin-based combination therapy (ACT), which costs an absurdly low $2.50 for a single adult treatment dose. A mosquito net will prevent an entire family from contracting the disease for the even cheaper price of $2.00. (As a point of comparison, Lindsay Graham spent $1013.74 per vote he received in the 2016 Republican primary.) As such, the dollar-to-lives-saved ratio is extremely high when donating to the Against Malaria Foundation. The podcast I mentioned frames it like this: If you ran into a burning building and saved a child's life, that moment would be a crowning achievement in your life. You would receive immense social validation and personal pride at performing such an act, and you would deserve it. Donating $10 per month to malaria-related causes is like that, except you are saving multiple children, every month, and instead of taking on extreme danger and permanent lung damage, you're sacrificing the monetary equivalent of two cups of coffee.

Rewiring #5: Make a social connection 

A fact I learned in the course: People usually think talking to a stranger on the bus will be a miserable experience, but when they actually do it, they change their mind. Social interaction is core to our biology and our evolutionary history; in this sense, it's comparable to amazing sex, or a delicious meal.

I spent ~20 minutes talking to a homeless man after buying him some food. I showed him a few card tricks, and he taught me how to vanish a cigarette. It felt thrilling and intrigue-laden, like two magicians swapping secrets. He also told me about his time in the Iraq war, his experience being homeless, and his aspirations to find work, and I told him about my experience as an immigrant and a college student. The only complaint I have about this interaction is that it was too short.

A couple friends from high school and I started a book club. The book we chose was Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo, a fantasy heist novel. I'm a huge fan of the heist genre, but I've only ever seen it in movies (Ocean's Eleven, The Sting, Inception). Reading a heist book is fun; discussing a heist book with smart people is even more fun.

On a recent vacation with some close friends, I stayed up to 4am dancing on the beach and gazing at the stars. The vast ocean and the endless cosmos, in all their grandeur, were still outshone by our revelry in each other's company, our quiet conversations on the sand. Our love for one another rang out in our words, in our silences, in our movements, in our stillnesses. No one could do wrong that night; it was, in a profound Wei, perfect.

Rewiring #6: Meditation

I've already practiced mindfulness meditation daily for over a year, so this rewiring was really just a regular old wiring.

One of the most enjoyable things in life is to witness skill: superhuman athleticism, flawless musicanship, artful deception. We like these things because they are flashy, complicated, rococo, but we often miss the deep mastery of the fundamentals underpinning all such displays. The older I become, the more I come to appreciate the importance of fundamentals. Champion basketball players can bust out ankle-breaking outplays because they don't stop practicing basic footwork drills; virtuoso pianists can bust out finger-breaking melodies because they don't stop practicing basic scales. We often don't think about the almost insane* amount of time these performers have invested into their technique, and we think even less about how much of this time goes into practicing fundamentals -- even when the performer is world-class.

Meditation is practicing the fundamentals of human life. Breathing, sitting, being present: These are the skills meditation teaches you to master, and one consequence of mastering these fundamentals is personal gratification. This gratification is the equivalent of the basketballer's ankle-breaker that comes after countless hours doing footwork drills.

There is nothing more fundamental than the breath. When you reach for it, it is there, a persistent, gentle reminder of the present moment, always by your side. People often think of meditation as an esoteric, difficult act, but as Tibetan meditation master Mingyur Rinpoche explains in this video, meditation is simple. It starts and ends with the breath. I love that video because it captures the elegance of meditation and makes the practice accessible for everyone.

Meditation has made me happier for many reasons. I am less prone to anger, anxiety, sadness, annoyance, and any number of other negative emotions, because mindfulness is anathema to  suffering. Negativity withers in the presence of attention. And in addition to shedding these negative emotions, I have also gained positive ones. After practicing mindfulness, I find myself calmer, more focused, more at peace. I feel more self-loving and self-compassionate, and I've also become more receptive to the love and kindness of others.

Another Mingyur Rinpoche quote: "The only difference between meditation and regular social interaction is that the friend you're gradually coming to know is yourself."

Conclusion

I enjoyed these rewirings even more than the previous set. Everyone should practice kindness, social interaction, and meditation. This blog post was my attempt at communicating that to you. I hope it worked.





*Mastery is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Becoming happier, Part 1

I started taking this course a week ago, and it's been really cool. It has to do with the psychology of well-being -- both the science showing what makes us happy, and how to actually use this information for personal benefit.

One assignment of the course is to do "rewirings" -- activities designed to rewire your habits to increase your overall well-bring. An important part of the rewirings is to write down what you do. At first, I had mixed feelings about broadcasting my rewirings online, for the same reason I have mixed feelings about posting anything on social media: I can't escape the feeling that, as soon as it's shared, the purity of the intention becomes diluted by self-aggrandizement and exhibitionism. (I've refrained from posting many things for this reason.) On the other hand, if this post inspires even one person to do a rewiring, or even take the course, it will have been worthwhile.

Rewiring #1: Using character strengths

The first rewiring was to take a character strengths survey and use my top strengths, the idea being that it feels good to do stuff I'm good at. My top three strengths were love, humor, and gratitude.

These strengths have changed over time; if I'd taken this survey just a year ago, I'd definitely have gotten different results. I credit my current strengths to my wonderful friend group, mindfulness meditation practice, and the simple passing of time. Time is one of love's greatest allies.

 For love, I expressed my admiration for a few of my friends this week. I called my mom and talked with her about my and her plans for the future. I called my brother and planned to watch the new Avengers movie with him (which he is very excited about). I had an intimate conversation with a friend while stargazing. I wrote a poem for myself and posted it on this blog. I enrolled in a science of well-being course to become happier.
"Love" is quite a loaded term in modern society, to both good and ill effect. When people say "love", they usually mean romantic love, which is something I've been guilty of. But that's a shame, because familial love, friendly love, and self-love are just as important, if not more. I want to be more conscientious about these other types of love in my life.
I had an profound conversation with a friend about love recently. I was unsatisfied with the common saying, "everyone deserves love". What does it mean to deserve something? If something is universally deserved, doesn't that cheapen its value? And aren't there people so vile and despicable that they don't deserve love? His response was compelling: Given how beautiful and transcendent love is, it is the most heartbreaking thing in the world that some people don't get to experience it. This conversation really clarified the nature of love for me.
On one hand, I want love to be a big, meaningful word, the kind of word that can be the climax of a movie, the kind of word that lingers on a mind for a year after it's spoken. On the other hand, I want love to be a common, natural term, the kind of term that men can say from without the umbra of toxic masculinity, the kind of term that a woman can say without feeling overly vulnerable. The great thing is, it can be both. Love is not slave to dichotomy.

For humor, have you met me? I'm constantly joking. Sometimes I joke around too much. I did rewatch Brian Regan's excellent standup routine, but I didn't otherwise go out of my Wei to use this strength. I also won't be analyzing humor, as I think it often defeats the purpose (as this article hilariously lampoons). Humor is something that comes naturally to me, and I'm grateful for that. Speaking of which...

For gratitude, I started a gratitude journal, which is Rewiring #3 on this list. Gratitude and love are similar in nature, but you can read more about gratitude specifically in Rewiring #3.

Rewiring #2: Savoring an experience

We often dwell on negative experiences, to our detriment. Savoring positive experiences is the opposite. Mindfully enriching and intensifying a happy moment, in the moment, is an obvious (yet underused) method to increase well-being.

I did a mindful eating meditation via the Simple Habit app, and it was phenomenal. I was reminded of how delicious water is: The texture is crisp when it first hits your tongue, but then it rolls around your mouth with perfect, gentle smoothness. The taste is amazingly pure, bright, and refreshing. I repeated the meditation while eating chicken nuggets -- not exactly a meal to write home about -- and experienced a veritable explosion of flavors and textures. I recommend mindful eating to everyone.

I savored reading the book Sapiens, by Yuval Noah Harari. I enjoyed running the glossy pages through my fingers and feeling the weighty hardback cover in my hands. I took note of his brilliant writing style, which manages to communicate difficult concepts in simple prose -- the ultimate goal of writers working in this genre. Every couple of pages contained another fascinating, novel idea, and it was satisfying to wrestle with them and discuss them with others.

I savored walking. I took great pleasure in seeing my destination far away, only to arrive at it moments later by doing nothing other than putting one foot ahead of the other, repeatedly, in tiny increments. I noticed how my foot hit the ground with the perfect amount of pressure, whereupon the foot behind it immediately rose into the air with quiet ease. I enjoyed how my feet navigated the terrain even while I didn't so much as glance at them. I wiggled my toes around in the comfortable fabric of my socks. I relished the feel of springy grass and durable concrete alike as the sole of my shoe met them.

Rewiring #3: Gratitude journal

Gratitude was already one of my character strengths, so this tied in nicely with Rewiring #1. But damn, do I love gratitude. It's one of the most positive, selfless emotions on the wide spectrum of human experience. This is the same reason why the idea behind Thanksgiving is so appealing to me: In a cavalcade of other holidays drowning in consumerism and excess, a day dedicated to simply giving thanks is refreshing.

I feel and express the emotion of gratitude often, but writing down what I'm grateful for adds another dimension to the experience. Psychologists have shown that keeping a gratitude journal can have unexpectedly long-lasting and resonant effects on our well-being. Here are some entries from my personal gratitude journal.

I often express gratitude toward my friends and education, but there are so many other things to be thankful for. One of these is my body, which somehow knows how to produce the right amount of insulin, red blood cells, and stomach acid through processes that mystify me. Similarly, the dexterity of my hands amazes me. Even as I type these words, I am astonished at how effortlessly they glide across the keyboard. I am lucky to be able to feel, taste, smell, see, and hear the world; many people lack these privileges.

I am thankful for temperature control in buildings. I recently heard an interesting perspective: mere centuries ago, even the richest kings, as they lounged in their opulent palaces, had to deal with their water pitchers freezing over during winter. In modern times, "a roof over my head" is more than protection from the rain; it's a level of comfort someone who lived 200 years ago could not even fathom.

I am thankful for the countless strangers in my life abiding by implicit societal norms: Obeying traffic laws, holding doors open, being respectful of personal space. I tacitly benefit from untold centuries of conventions designed to smooth over interaction on every level, from interpersonal to intercontinental. It's a miracle that my mind can navigate this labyrinth of unspoken rules without conscious thought.

Conclusion

A big theme of the course is how bad we are at recognizing what makes us happy -- and even when we do recognize it, we are bad at actualizing the knowledge. It's one thing to understand that using our strengths, savoring experiences, and recording our gratitude will have positive impact on our lives, but another thing entirely to actually do these things. I hope reading my personal rewirings has convinced you to do some yourself.

Part 2