Friday, February 28, 2014

A Quick Thought Regarding Quidditch

I realize that I'm not the first person to have thought of this, but I feel like it needs saying anyway.
Quidditch has the worst rules I have ever heard of in a sport, and that includes all of these. Let's review them, in case you forgot:
1.) Three chasers try to throw the quaffle through a ring. This earns 10 points. The keeper tries to keep the enemy chasers from doing this.
2.) Two beaters try to injure the enemy team with bludgers. They do this by using bats.
3.) The seeker's goal is to catch the golden snitch, worth 150 points. Once someone catches the snitch, the game is over.
I showed this to my seven year old brother and he saw the gaping hole in this system within sixty seconds. Here's the problem: Catching the snitch is literally all that matters.
Yeah, I know there was that one world cup where the team that caught the snitch lost, but that's because neither team was playing correctly. If we assume that each position on the team is only allowed to touch their respective ball (e.g. only seekers are allowed to catch the snitch), then the best way to play Quidditch is this:
Have everyone on your team fly around your goal so the enemy team can't score. At the same time, have your players constantly look for the snitch. Once someone sees it, immediately inform the seeker where it is and have her beeline straight for it while you bludgeon/distract the hell out of the enemy seeker. Seriously. You should have your eyes locked on that golden ball the instant it is released, and once you find it, you immediately tell your seeker where it is so she can get it. You should be tracking that thing like you are the NSA and it's the American people, because catching it means victory. Guaranteed.

Imagine if in basketball, all the rules were the exact same -- except there's a really difficult jigsaw puzzle on the side you can do, and if you successfully complete it, your team gets 250 points and the game ends. If that were the case, I'm pretty sure there would be a lot more jigsaw puzzle solvers in the NBA than there are now. That's all I'm saying.

-Me

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