On Monogamy

Consider the conventional sexual/romantic preference of monogamy as applied to friendships, and you immediately begin to see monogamy's shortcomings. I don't want my friends to have no other friends before me; quite the opposite -- I'd want my friends' friends to be as exciting and stimulating as possible, because I want my friends to be friends with exciting and stimulating people. It would be selfish of me to feel otherwise. What is different about romantic relationships?

Romantic relationships are an even more intense, intimate form of friendship heightened through physical intimacy. But this makes monogamy even worse, because it seems all the more selfish to deny my romantic partner a chance to form this kind of better, deeper relationship with someone else, however much I want my partner to be mine. Moreover, I am demanding of my partner that they fulfill all my romantic and sexual needs until I die, which seems to dehumanize them through overglorification, while I am also being arrogant enough to presume that I satisfy all of their desires. For these reasons, I can only conclude that monogamy is not borne out of love for one's partner, but rather jealousy and sexual possessiveness, which are terrible reasons to do anything.

Lifelong monogamy amplifies these problems. Lifelong commitments are unsound in general, because people are always changing. The person I was three years ago is not me; he is someone with a different set of opinions, ideologies, and dreams. His romantic tastes have changed. I don't think someone who committed to a romantic relationship with him should have to carry that obligation forward with a different person, even if they felt it was the right move at the time.

I would hope that I would be a person who is confident enough, secure enough, and loving enough to give my partner(s) the freedom to explore sexual and romantic experiences that fulfill them without feeling any resentment or jealously. If I truly loved my partner, then I should not be bitter or angry about anything that made them happy, especially something as amazing as a romantic relationship. Unfortunately, I am not so strong. The cultural tide of monogamy has swallowed me, and I am a hapless victim in its waters. Despite everything I've said in this post, I still prefer long-term, monogamous relationships, and I can't help but think this preference makes me weak, hypocritical, and morally flawed.

Maybe in this case, the immoral position is the only position that will make me happy, because I am incapable of becoming confident enough, secure enough, loving enough. Or maybe that's just something I tell myself so I won't have to try.