On The Effectiveness Of Effort

Here's a thought that's been bouncing around in my head lately:

The smallest effort on your part can prove extremely meaningful.

A few words of comfort cost you mere seconds to say, but can salvage heartbreak and completely lift someone else's mood. Three seconds can improve the quality of the rest of someone's day, which could be upwards of eight hours. That is a huge return on investment.

A piece of trash lying in front of your path takes less than three seconds to pick up. It may take up to a minute to locate a suitable trashcan (it usually takes way less), but even then it's less time out of your day than waiting at a stoplight. Picking up that piece of trash takes as much effort as opening a door. The benefits far outweigh the costs.

Personal example: When I was cashiering and a customer came up with a crying child, I would get a little blank slip of paper, draw a smiley face on it, and give it to the child. This was 100% effective at stopping the crying, and it took me less than ten seconds to do. Try to picture the scene. A tired parent spends thirty to ninety minutes looking around a huge store for the few items they need, finally arrives at the checkout line, and their child begins crying. This is not a happy situation for any of the involved parties -- me included -- and it could take many minutes for the parent to calm their child down. Instead, I just draw the simplest smiley face ever and the problem ceases to exist. Ten seconds eliminates several minutes of frustration and unhappiness. I benefit, the parent benefits, the child benefits, everyone else in the checkout area benefits. Ten seconds.

I'll be honest: I don't notice these opportunities to help people very often, and even when I do notice them I'll rarely act on it. I think the reason we don't do these things more often is because we convince ourselves we're busy people, or maybe someone else will handle it, or maybe it's just not an important thing, or we just don't think about it. But these are all excuses for our own laziness, a laziness so profound it inhibits us from spending even three seconds to do the simplest, most basic acts of thoughtfulness and kindness. Even if you were a fruit fly, with a lifespan of twenty four hours, three seconds is a mere .0035% of your life. That kind of time spent to help a friend or your community is trivial at best. But if we were all constantly looking for the chance to help out, especially when it takes so little effort, the world would be a much better, much kinder place.

Actively look for chances to help people, and you might be surprised at how easy it is.

-Me

This Entire Story Took Place In Less Than Two Seconds

My mind can get kinda carried away sometimes. Example below.

I was at work today when I saw a ~7 year old girl and her ~9 year old brother walking together. The brother told his sister to do something, and then the sister said, "You're not the boss of me!" in the tone that all ~7 year old girls use when they say "You're not the boss of me!". Then I started thinking.

I thought about the fact that I was at work, and hence I had people who actually were the boss of me, people who have a great deal of control over my financial situation, people who could not only fire me but make it very difficult for me to find a job in the future. And if I tried to tell these people "You're not the boss of me!", then they would likely do exactly that, and I would be pretty screwed.

Then I imagined the ~9 year old brother growing up to be a genius entrepreneur who breaks ground in some revolutionary, billion-dollar industry in his mid-twenties, at which time I would be in my mid-thirties, and maybe I'd have a Master's Degree in some kind of engineering, and the boy's company would be looking for engineers, and so I would find myself working for the boy's company. I'd work hard, climb the corporate ladder and eventually find myself working at the company HQ, where the boy also works as the CEO and owner, and maybe even meet him personally, and see how successful he is, how much money he has, and nice cars, and attractive women, and why don't I have those things, and he's got youth and talent and charisma and money, and the majority of my paycheck is going towards a mortgage I'm slowly realizing I can barely afford, and I have a family to feed and children to send to college and dying parents to look after, and he's already ready to retire with no weight on his shoulders whatsoever. And slowly, this jealousy and bitterness begin to take over my life, and my work performance begins suffering. And the boy, who is actually a fair, intelligent, compassionate boss, calls me into his office one day and asks me what's wrong, and he knows I'm capable of doing better, and I say nothing's wrong because of course I say nothing's wrong, and then he tells me I need to improve my performance, and I say I will but then I don't, and then a few weeks later he calls me in again and says the same thing, and I say the same thing, and nothing happens again.

The third meeting is different. He calls me in and says if I don't start improving, he'll have to start considering termination, which is a lot of syllables to say "fired", and I am furious and desperate and terrified, and I yearn, yearn to tell him, to scream in his face, "You're not the boss of me!", except he actually is, and if I did that I would surely be fired and lose all ability to pay my mortgage and feed my family and survive, so I hold it in and just nod quietly. But inside, I am seething at him, and I realize I loathe my job, have always loathed it, and I complain about my boss nonstop, even though he's been nothing but kind and understanding and merciful, and I should have been fired months ago already, but the only reason I haven't is because he likes my personality or something, and he's even taken me out golfing a couple times. And my hatred and rage begins affecting my family life, and eventually my wife divorces me, and then I get fired, and I end up homeless on the street with nothing to my name, and now, finally, I can go up to anyone in the entire world and tell them "You're not the boss of me!" and be perfectly correct. But I don't want to. I just want a job, and a boss, and a nice salary, and most of all I want my wife and kids back.

So yeah. My mind can get kinda carried away sometimes.

-Me

On The Blueness Of The Sky

Go outside on a clear, cloudless day and look up at the sky.

Pay attention to one thing: How blue it is. Just that, nothing else. Don't think about how far away it is, how vast it is, how beautiful it is, how cloudless it is, how poetic it is, how nice it is. Notice only its blueness. Notice how the sky is really, incredibly, almost shockingly blue. It's a pure, soft blue, a blue you want to grab and put into your pocket and make pillows out of, a blue that makes other, different blues seem not as blue somehow. Let its raw, unrelenting blueness gently wash all other thoughts from your mind. Let it take your breath away.

While you're doing that, think about how many other people have been under a cloudless sky as you are now and not done what you're doing now; not noticed the blueness right above them, that blue expanse stretching forever into the horizon, have never noticed that blueness.

It seems like a big deal to me, for some reason, that there would be even a single person who has never thought about how incredibly, awesomely blue the sky is. How many other sources of wonder and awe do these people miss on a daily basis? How many do I miss on a daily basis? The answer is probably "too many".

It's ordinary to love the beautiful. It's beautiful to love the ordinary.

-Me

On The Supposed "Smallness" Of The World

It bothers me when people say "small world" in reaction to finding someone they know in a place they didn't expect, or finding out they share a friend with someone else. Like, "Hey, my cousin once sold you a hot dog! Small world!"

Fact: The world is not small. The world is, in fact, enormous. Think about the number of carpenters there are in the world. Now add that to the number of taxi drivers. Now add in all the electricians, the coffee shop employees, the alcoholics, the waiters, the lawyers, the insomniacs, the diabetics, the pilots. Realize you haven't even come close to being nearly semi halfway to being even approaching a hundredth of the way to thinking about all the people in the world.

If we actually lived in a small world, we would not say "small world" as a surprised or shocked reaction, or to mean "what a funny coincidence!". If we actually lived in a small world, encountering people we knew would be commonplace. We use the words "small world" to mean we are actually living in a huge world, a world so full of people and places it's amazing when we encounter someone we recognize. We use the words "small world" to express the opposite of what they mean.

On "This Is Water"

I recently watched David Foster Wallace's This is Water commencement speech (that's the transcript). Here is the video:

The speech resonated with me deeply, mostly because DFW says things I've been thinking about for a while, only in a much more eloquent, funny way.

As DFW says, here is a truth: Everything about my personal experience tells me that I am the center of the Universe. While others' feelings have to be communicated to me in some way, mine are right there. My emotions are immediate and urgent; yours are far away. I can feel the full profundity of my grief and ecstasy in a way that I can't even begin to understand yours. You are the same. We both perceive the other through our own frame of reference. A guy driving a Hummer cuts me off on the road -- how dare he get in my way? Perhaps, as DFW says, "the Hummer that just cut me off is being driven by a father whose little child is hurt or sick in the seat next to him, and he's trying to get this kid to the hospital, and he's in a bigger, more legitimate hurry than I am: it is actually I who am in his way."

There's a word, made up by the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, for the realization that every human being you see lives a life just as fulfilling, immediate, complicated, and filled with emotion as yours is: Sonder.

Feeling sonder can make you feel sad and small, but I think it's the way towards a true, genuine compassion that can transcend the most divisive boundaries. Make up stories about the people you hate. Give them all the excuses, while denying yourself those same excuses. Paint yourself as the villain, while giving them a rich, vivid life. You are only a background character. They are the hero.

DFW takes it a step farther. He says, "if you really learn how to pay attention, then... it will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down." I'm not sure if more optimistic words have ever been spoken. The word choice is especially beautiful. The worldview DFW presents transforms an annoying, miserable situation into a sacred one, something on fire with love and fellowship. Amazing.

So what does DFW mean when he emphasizes the importance of repeating to ourselves, "This is water"? Well, at the beginning of the speech, he gives a parable about some fish:

Two young fish swim by an older one. Older one says, "The water's nice today." Younger fish says to the other, "What the hell's water?"

Repeating "This is Water" is our continual reminder to ourselves to notice the basic, human truths right in front of us. These are truths so fundamental to being human that everyone on the planet shares them. As DFW concedes, it is unimaginably hard to remain conscious of these truths. But sometimes we can catch a glimpse of it, the capital-T Truth peeking from behind the veil, and with it, understand more completely what it means to be alive and human.

-Me

Musings On A Machine-Driven Life

My current job (being a cashier) does not offer autonomy. Managers decide when I work, when I take my breaks, when I take my lunch, what I do when I work, if I'm doing a good job, and so on. At first, I thought that was the whole story -- people control what I do, and I'm fine with that, because there's nothing particularly difficult about it. A machine could do what I do with relative ease. Upon closer inspection, however, I realized people don't control what I do. Machines do. I undertake all interactions at my job through the conduit of the cash register. The register is everything. I use it to communicate with my managers and the customers I help. In a way, I am an extension of it -- and notably, not the other way around.

Computers write my schedule. They write my managers' schedules. They tell us when we can clock in, when we can clock out, when we can go to and return from lunch. They keep track of our inventory, how our store is doing, what we need to do as a result. They command us.

We have a self-checkout section in the store. Basically, the self-checkout registers do exactly what I do, except without me. The only thing stopping all the registers becoming self-checkout is the integrity of the customer. For some reason, this does not seem like a difficult obstacle to overcome.

At work, I perform the task of a machine, at the command of computers (other machines). But it doesn't end there. I come home and use the computer to communicate with people and to entertain myself. I rely on them utterly. If computers stopped working tomorrow, it would destroy my current lifestyle. Not just me, of course. It would ruin countless lives. It would straight up kill the millions in hospitals who depend on machines even more than I do. Most money would be gone. There would be nothing.

I'm not sure if I should be scared, or really scared.

-Me

On Opposites

The word "opposite" means something diametrically different from another thing. Black and white. Happiness and anger. When you are an opposite, you have something that opposes you. Something antithetical to your nature.

But opposites are more alike than we realize. Consider a list of three words: "black", "white" and "Tuesday". Notice how Tuesday obviously doesn't belong in this list. Why? "Black" and "white", despite being diametrically different, have a lot in common. They're both colors, used to describe something perceived through sensory means. They're both present on a zebra. Meanwhile, "Tuesday" has none of those things in common.

That one's pretty obvious, so consider another list: "black", "white", and "green". Now these words are all colors, so why does green feel like it's the odd one out? I submit the following reason: Opposites belong together. Opposites, in addition to being different, complement and fill one another's voids.

There is a concept in the Chinese philosophy/religion of Taoism called yin-yang. Here's the pictoral representation:

Yin is the dark, yang is the light. Notice how they complete one another. Also notice how yin is present in yang and vice versa. The idea is this: Opposites do not merely belong together; they are a part of one another. If you look closely at the nature something, you will find its opposite hidden somewhere inside.

"Black" needs "white" to exist in a way it does not need "Tuesday" to exist; in other words "White" constitutes some part of what defines "black". A Maori proverb I like says, "Turn towards the Sun and the shadows fall behind you." Take the Sun away, and the shadows disappear. Take the shadows away, and there is nothing to turn towards anymore.

In happiness, there exists some element of grief. We can not have one without the other, because to be happy all the time is to lose our ability to contextualize what that means, what happiness is. Likewise, in absolute silence, there is a profound noise, a voice talking to me I call "me", and which you would also call "me" (but you would call my voice "you"). There is nothing louder.

I'm entranced by the paradox of opposites being part of one another. It adds dimension and profundity to an otherwise flat universe. If two diametrically opposed concepts can be more similar to each other than Tuesday can, there is some underlying harmony to the universe. Look for opposites in their opposites -- e.g. find war in peace, find strife in bliss, find tranquility in chaos, then do it the other way around -- and you'll see what I mean.

-Me